While it is easy for me to list all the amazing things that happened in 2018, because I had many, I instead want to reflect back on my personal journey. It was a time of learning, growing, maturing, searching and discovering my true self.
Tonight as my family is sleeping and I am sitting in the quiet trying to calm my mind, I can't help but to share what has been on my heart this past year.
Those of you that have followed along the last two years of my life know first hand the roller coaster it has been, but also such a gift. As I have mentioned before, my struggle with this career path has been trusting in God when I simply don't know the outcome. I'm sure all of us have had a similar struggle at some point in our lives. But throughout the year I have really been questioning the WHY in this journey. Every motivational speaker has always let it be known how important your WHY is in what you do. And to be honest I have been terrified of someone asking me this question. Because until a few days ago, I didn't know myself. Obviously, as I've shared before, this was God leading my transition. I have always loved designing homes, but to answer why I have given so much of myself to Homegrown Design, I don't have the words to answer that question. It's just a feeling I couldn't explain.
I've shared a bit with Dylan and asked him (only because I didn't have an answer for myself) how could I make an impact in someone's life through home design? When you start praying to seek your purpose in life, keep in mind how scary this can be. I had no idea I was about to take myself down a winding path of uncertainty. I was digging so deep into myself and eliminating things I never thought were flawed, finding emotions I never knew existed. To be honest, at times I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by a family that loves me more than I could ever express. I guess this was God's way of teaching me. To be able to find my honest calling, my true identity, I had to go through this myself and they could not help me. It is for God and I to sort through. In the end I will know for certain this was never in my control or led by my families helping hand. It has always been him. It=[= is a difficult but a heart opening process. For some reason on Sunday morning I woke up feeling like I just needed to lay in bed and reflect on my life and 2018. When I began asking God the same question that I ask every night, I realized instead of waiting on him to answer, maybe he has been waiting for me. Waiting for me to fully surrender who I think I am and my dreams so he can begin his work within me.
From the very beginning I have shared my thoughts and heart with anyone willing to listen and I have worked very hard to inspire the dreamers of this community because it's so captivating to me. I know that I have a high calling in my life and it is much more than a home decorator or a shop owner.
I want to be a builder in a world that is separating. Building not only myself, but my business and my family on a strong foundation. I want to be effective in others lives. I want to live within a faith filled community, bring families together, reach the dreamer inside us all and help create that version of ourselves. I want to be a model for my children and create a better life for them.
We are molded into who we are at a younger age because of the atmosphere of our homes, whether that be good or bad, it has an impact on who we are today. A home is where love is created, dreams are dreamt, memories are made, and where our story is told. I feel the pressure as a mom to build a strong foundation and a loving home for my family. It's not the size of the house or even my little shop downtown, but the ability to let inspiration and love flow throughout them. Maybe this is where my calling connects with my talents. I have a gift of being able to design a house and fill it with all the pretty details, but it's more than that. It's a calling to create a HOME. The outlet to build a life worth living starts within the walls of our home. If I can help someone build that, create a place of joy, then that is my WHY.
2018 shaped me into who I will be this new year, and for that I am thankful. My intention is to continue to strive for a better me. To help others create a home they could only dream of raising a family in and creating a solid foundation for them to do so. I hope my "WHY" shows in every home I design, because that is truly all I hope for.
I encourage you all to dig deep in 2019 and find the best within yourself. The best is yet to come!