The blog I have dreaded for weeks..
There is something I have been dreading so badly to write. I just could not find the words to say. These last few months have been very confusing for me and even though I'd like to think I have my life figured out, I surely do not.
You have seen my post about the storefront opening in Meeker, and trust me, it was my full intention to make that dream come true. At the time I was offered to share this space, I had felt very strongly that God had led me there and it was a stepping stone to my future. This was a place for me to learn, to grow, and to focus on making my merchandise available to others beyond my design clients. Although this was a great opportunity that was given, I just couldn't seem to get my heart to connect. Many of hours was spent up at that store trying to blend my style with another, but it was beyond just items in a store. It meant blending personalities, opinions, goals, visions, and wanting what was best for the both of us. I debated daily whether I was making the right decision to push forward or if I should call it quits. This was my struggle, God had very much led me to this place. I believe whole heartedly that I was called there to learn. It was a battle within myself that if I left I would disappoint him, not just him but myself, my friends and family that also had many hours helping me, my followers that I had led to believe this was in fact happening! I was scared of disappointing and failing.
You have to understand how much planning and thought I have had into opening my own store and this was my shot, but it wasn't connecting with what I had worked so hard to create. My anxiety was at an all time high, my thoughts were not where they should have been, and it was almost as if I was spinning on a chair going in circles just waiting to be stopped. I needed my focus to get back to what I loved, to playing with my children, talking with my husband, and enjoying what is my greatest passion. I knew I had to change what I had just barely began.
I began to really pray with family and friends trying to find my answer and this is what I came to realize. As far as disappointing God goes, even on my worst days he will love me the same. His promise still stands. I am still in his hands and this is my confidence. Did he lead me to this place to fail? Absolutely not, I was led to learn, to grow, and to continue this walk with him wherever it may be. There was no time frame put on that. I learned ALOT in this short amount of time. Not only did I learn how to run an entire point of sale system, how to list inventory, book keepings, how daily sales work, the ins and outs of how to run a retail business behind the pretty décor, but most importantly, I learned what I want for myself. To never settle less than what you dream of. Even when it seems like the opportunity of a life time, stay true to who you are and what you want to become, and work for nothing less than that!
I also know that I have in fact grown. There is power to be found when you are under pressure. My relationship with God has not only grown, but I have found growth in a relationship within myself. Knowing that I WILL continue to pick myself up on my hardest days and root for this little business I have created. In the moments I feel as I am stuck and going nowhere fast, all I have to do is realize the importance of this the gap I'm in. Looking back, I never would have dreamed my decision today would have to be to leave one store for another, because a store wasn't even in my reach 2 years ago! I was just as excited I had a spring sale in a barn lol! I never hope to feel as if I have arrived in this journey, but to find grace in my gaps. I am so far from where I started but still so far from where I want to be. It is here in the middle that I can see a hopeful future. Every time I take a step forward, my destination takes a step forward. If I was able to arrive that easily, I wouldn't need to depend my whole being on God. If it was that easy to arrive, I wouldn't GROW! Finding grace in this gap is sure to be my growth!
With all of this being said , I am ready to move forward and achieve just what I started. I will continue to dream, to reach, and to strive daily moving one step forward! Meeker Trading Co will be the greatest little addition to this town and I will forever be thankful for the opportunity that I was given because even though the outcome was not what we had intended, it was exactly what I set out to do from the beginning, LEARN! Sandi and Kurt have poured their hearts into that building and have every right to be gleaming with pride when it opens. That is exactly what I want for myself. A place where I can dream, create, and inspire. Simply call my own! Until then, I hope you will continue to follow along this journey with me, even in my gaps!
I have some AMAZING design projects I will be sharing very soon and yes, a store is still in my plans! Hopefully sooner than later! If ya know of a potential building for sale needing some love, send it my way!