Recently, I have been feeling so tired. Mostly this week, and I couldn't seem to figure out why. I have a very busy schedule and I am always working non stop. Honestly, I like it that way, I work best under pressure and I like to see my planner filled with daily tasks. But this week I actually had some white space in my books and when I realized I didn't have anything that HAD to be done, that is when the overwhelming feeling of fatigue sat in.
I felt guilty that I didn't have any work going so I was over searching for jobs to keep me going. Over analyzing my home and the changes I want to make, re-visualizing my shop and all the planning that comes with that. I was working towards things that aren't even in sight yet, researching analytics that are far fetched for this point in my career. Although, it is good to push towards my next goal and planning ahead is definitely something I like to do, it seemed the more I was searching for fulfillment, the more tired I felt. I was on social media way more than I care to admit and with that always comes mental exhaustion for me. The increase in social media is such a good tool for ideas and the latest trends, but for me I am struggling more than ever with comparison and inadequacy on every level of the spectrum. Sometimes I just have to turn it off and find myself again.
I finally laid my head down on my desk today, took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a minute. I just began to wonder if I am keeping busy just to try to measure up with those on social media and be who I think I should be at this time or am I busy becoming who I am meant to be. There is a big difference between the two and sometimes no matter how busy we may be, we are going nowhere. If your being busy "becoming" it can seem to be at a much slower pace. But the outcome will be so much greater. I began to hear God speaking to me in that moment. He is trying to give me this blessing called rest, and once again I'm trying to fight it. Just because I am resting doesn't mean he stops working. In fact, he is planning something big for my life and when I have the time to rest I should soak up every ounce. Because when he is ready to pour out my next blessing, I will need to be refreshed, recharged, and have clear visions.
This weekend, let your mind rest. Believe that who God made you to be is genuinely enough for your purpose here on this earth. Even in a time of resting there is a purpose because you never know what is to come and how rested you may need to be. Be you, be happy with where you are, and here you will find rest.