If you have been apart of my life the last year, you know first hand it has been a blur. I have put all my thoughts/emotions into this business and tending to others homes, that I got lost myself.
Soon after the store had it's successful grand opening party I found myself in bed feeling every emotion possible flooding over me and it was all I could do to keep my head above the wave. This post is not to be confused with my love for the store and this business because I wouldn't give up this stage of my journey for anything. This was just something that knocked me off my feet and I realized this is not how I wanted to continue. I was thriving at work with design and the shop, but every bit of my energy was spent there and when I came "home" I was exceeded. I would pick up fast food on the way home to feed my family, give them a shower, I would scurry around the house yelling at everyone to clean up, and we all would get on our electronic devices to pass the evening away.
I wondered laying in bed that night if I had someone to record my nightly routine, would I be satisfied? Would it capture me on my phone, or moving around non-stop trying to multi-task closing up the days demands. Would I only hear the screams at my kids to clean up their messes? Am I living intentional or just getting by to the next day? I knew if I wanted to continue this fast paced lifestyle as a business owner, I had to make change for my family. I knew it wasn't going to be overnight, but an effort was to be made. I craved more intentional evenings with my family.
I even purged through my home realizing I was filling these rooms with pretty things, not functionality for my kids. I was wanting to spend money to redo a room we never walk into, only to make my home feel Pinterest worthy. The kids had every nook in our home filled with meaningless toys they wouldn't remember they had if they were placed in front of them. The same toys of which filled my floors and caused me to be a mad woman picking up non-stop and wanting to have this image of a perfect clean home. Which is about the same as a dog chasing its tail, an exhausting task that will never be fulfilled.
I had made up my mind I was letting them each keep 1 medium basket of toys of which I knew they enjoy and beyond that we were going to find our fun outdoors this summer. I was going to try my hardest to sit down and play with the kids and not worry about my house. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a clean house, it helps me think clearly and I know my family also thrives in a clean home. I just try to do that after our evenings now, before bed. I like to wake up to a tidy house, it helps me focus on what's ahead instead of a cluttered mess. This alone has helped me tremendously, almost a breath of fresh air. When I go home, its now to try and enjoy my time away from work instead of creating more for myself. I'm far from perfecting this but I'm getting better each day.
The kids have NEVER asked where their toys went. They haven't even noticed at all.
Slayton has found a new love for squirrel hunting! He gets his boots and gun and spends hours hunting these interesting creatures (don't worry, he isn't that quick yet so no squirrels have been harmed) in our yard. The boys have went fishing every night this week and I love that they have that time to bond. Daizy and I have planted all new flowers and tried our best efforts at landscape design. She has really taking an interest in flowers which is exactly why I wanted to give a try at it with her.
Even watering the flowers last year was another task to achieve before nightfall and I didn't ever take the time to enjoy that moment. It is really a peaceful time that has helped me wind down the last few nights. We even listen for that whipper wheel bird singing every night while were watering. Dylan has always had an interest in gardening and Daizy helps tend to her strawberries.
If you know me, you know that I am not a cook by any means, but even this I want to try to enjoy this summer with the veggies from our garden.
We got a kitty yesterday, which I said I would never allow. Although seeing the joy this kitten has brought Slayton is beyond what I ever imagined. He has played so much with her and taken care of her all night long. He never even asked for a phone today! It brings me joy to see him taking responsibility and tending to something other than a video game. This is the first of a few more animals we have planned!
All of this has been eye opening for me and it took me getting physically sick to make this change for my family. Like I said, I am far from perfect or having a perfect life but I know other mommies feel they have fallen short of perfecting their family and I just wanted to share what has helped me. Once you decide to quit being so hard on yourself, intentionality will begin to unfold.
Don't just survive the day, take the time to enjoy it, even in the things that once you hated.
You're family is counting on you and how you handle life, they need you more than you know!