As some of you may know the last week of my life has been a whirlwind and this post may help others to get in touch with what this emotional roller coaster has been like...and its just the beginning!
Lets rewind a bit to even 6 months ago, I have posted before about my goal to open a store front to create a full circle business for myself and how we did a "sample run" to see how people would react to the idea. You can read that post here...
I cant begin to tell you how in depth my relationship with God has become the last 2 years of my life and learning to let him be in control, on his timing, and listening when I need to act and when to be still. It's an everyday struggle, but the peace in my decisions have never felt more in control.
I had BIG DREAMS for a certain building I wanted, so far as to having floor plans lined out, contractors giving remodel quotes, a 3D soon to be image, a 10 chapter business plan, business loan applications submitted, the whole 9 yards however it just seemed to be a dead end road for this season of my life. This has always been my issue, taking things into my own control too soon without knowing when God already has my steps lined out. So I prayed and prayed please God, let me have this, I promise I will show your work through me, please, please, just let it happen! NOTHING. So I stepped away, put away my big plans in a cabinet and tried to accept it just is not time. I had met a couple a few months ago that were remodeling a warehouse here in town and told her I was excited to have her because with her store and mine, we could draw more traffic to the area and it would be great to have each other with same interest for the town. Now, I knew my store however was not going to happen the way I had planned, but I knew in time it would! I never spoke with her much more after that until last week, I woke up to a text message to meet with her and her husband that day....
Rewind to the night before, I was feeling a bit lost and told Dylan I was going to take a long bath and to keep the kids occupied. I knew I just needed to pray for direction. I prayed for about 20 min to please just speak clearly to me, am I running in circles only to hit a dead end?
So up to the warehouse I went the next morning, long story short, Sandi has an antique store in CA and is there running her life and store the majority of the year and they felt as if I could open Homegrown Design within her warehouse it might be a good opportunity for both, I get a good start to begin and she can operate more as a fun, exciting store for her to have when she is here rather than an empty building closed up half of the year. Now, to get inside my head, this would be over the moon exciting for most and don't get me wrong I was, but here is where my control starts taking over! I have had every detail of Homegrown planned out down to the grand opening, its been me, myself, and I since the beginning of this journey as far as planning this new life out. So the thought of "sharing" what I had visioned, scared me to death to be honest. Now I would have to consider others opinions, overall look of a store, every thought I had would have to be decided between the 2 of us. Understand I know this is selfish, and not understandable to most, but its the mind of an entrepreneur. It's all about how can I make it, how am I gonna do this. Then it hit me. God is simply trying to tell me YOU'RE NOT, we are, and I have to let him in, show me the way. That night I came home crying with a mixture of emotions, telling Dylan I just didn't think I could do this, I don't think I can SHARE my creation, but for some reason I couldn't walk away from it, something was holding on to this opportunity I had been given, by 2 very thoughtful people, and here I am trying to push them out. I always listen to church live on Sunday morning and it happened to be a guest speaker, normally I don't tend to watch if its a guest but for some reason the title of this message "SOAR" told me to tune in. It was exactly what I had prayed for those 3 nights before, a direct clear answer hitting me at a 100mph speed within a 3 day period. The message had said, God never has made a beautiful dining room table, he simply makes trees. Those trees are available to us to choose what we create from them, to take from a raw state and have the ability to turn into a custom made dining room setting. If we walk by a forest of trees looking for a table to be sitting in the middle of them, it will never happen. To me I felt as if that statement was simply God telling me that I am trying to reach an end goal when this simply is the beginning of what he is doing in my life. I have to let my walls down, let him in and guide me, give up all control and trust in him. I told Dylan this exact feeling I was having and his response was "then that is what we have to do." Dylan is a man of few words and for the most part lets me live life to my likings, but when he does have an opinion I try to really take in consideration because this is OUR life, not just mine, so when he is telling me to go for it, I felt as if every single part of this answered prayer is falling together and I needed to focus on the good. I began to try to open my mind to positives instead of negatives. If everyone thought the exact way I did, had my same visions, did as I said when I say it... how am I ever going to grow into what I want to become? I have a lot of learning still yet ahead of me. Having someone else may open my eyes to new things, to better things, to giving, to learning, to growing, as they put it, "watch me flourish" not to compete in any way! I knew I had to do this, listen to what God is telling me, he is saying, "This is simply your beginning, by no means is this going to be the end of your journey. We have lots to work on before we get to that dining room table, show me what you can do with this tree first! Show me you can let me be in control and trust in my plans, not your own." I have prayed for 2 years for this and just because it isn't the way I wanted, am I gonna run now? No way am I gonna let this slip away without giving it 100% because he may not give me a 2nd shot if I walked away from this. In some sort of weird way I feel like a weight has been lifted, I don't have to carry this load alone. I told Sandi all of this and explained this had nothing to do with her or Kurt, it was simply a battle within I'm working on. Each day I continue, but I have never felt so excited about what is to come. That stack of plans I had for the other building will still remain, that is very much still my goal, but for now its time to learn! A new outlook on Homegrown and fresh eyes to help me see where I can not. With all that being said, here is to my new beginning. In the spring of 2018 within the building of Meeker Trading Co. the best lil storefront in town will be born! I can finally breathe and honestly say I know great things will come of this. I'm forever grateful for the Hemingway's who saw in me what I couldn't even see myself, for dealing with my emotions when they had nothing to gain from me, for showing me change is good! We will compliment each other and grow within that lil warehouse. I now have a new relationship I didn't before and that is my only goal for this season of life, gaining a trust of others I could not do alone.
We will have everything from antiques to new furniture and décor. My office will be there so I can take on my remodel/design projects, I will still do real estate, and run the store itself all within 4 walls! It seems like a lot, but for me its what I've wanted for awhile, my full circle business in 1 place so it can truly be able to shine! I will close the doors on hair for now to be able to focus 100% on this new journey of life. Scary? Yep, that's been my comfort for 7 years but I feel at peace finally with walking away. Never have I heard something spoken more clearly to me, the exact answer I've been praying for sometime now, “I have a calling for you. This is the time when I tell you to go and I’m going to need you to step out and go. If you trust me with your dreams, I'm going to take you further than you could ever go on your own!"
I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for this store and hope that I see each and every one of you at our Grand Opening! Spread the word! Thank you again to The Hemingway's and of course my family for supporting me during this fresh start in my life!
"The unwritten chapters are the most thrilling, the dull ache, the yearning for all that is to come!"